NARRATIVE: spanglepants

There was always that groggy, dreamy sensation Dee got that usually meant she'd been out of it again while Princess Sparklepants got her thing on. She groaned as she pulled herself out of bed to go through what had become an all too familiar routine: check herself for any injuries that might have been left behind. Try and figure out explanations for any unexpected absences to friends and family. See if Diana left her any notes or information that she needed. She always felt so out of her element with much of it but she struggled along the best she knew how.

The pattern had been the same for so long Dee was sometimes slow on the uptake with if any new memories had hatched out in her brain pan. But this morning, it was easy to see that something had changed. The something were the ornate silver shackles on her wrists, covering up each of her tattoos perfectly. She couldn't see a seam, any place where she could try and take them off. They had to be Diana's. They had to be. They were as iconic to her as the costume that Dee routinely mocked because hi, how practical was it to save the world in what amounted to a US flag strapless swimsuit. How do her boobs not flop out all over the place? Was eternal doublesided tape part of Diana's powers that nobody knew about, along with having perfect hair regardless of what fight she was in and never breaking a heel in her boots? The Secret Powers of Super-Heroines, issue one, she joked in her head as she got ready for the day.

She couldn't figure out how to to take the bracelets off--should she even take them off? What was it she read, that to remove the bracelets of submission would cause madness in an Amazon? Better not to risk it, she decided, but was happy to see that they seemed to expand in water to make a tight seal and loosened so that the skin underneath would dry. It was weird, but Dee had accepted a long time ago that 'weird' was just a part of her life now.

She didn't pick it up at first as she flipped through the channels to get to the NFL Network for her Sunday morning viewing. It wasn't until she dropped the remote and the TV bounced back to a Spanish station she stopped on for a second that it kicked in. Mostly because it was just another ad, shilling an SUV--but when she looked up, she was confused. She spoke a smattering of German and Greek, but she'd never learned Spanish. And she was watching this commercial, understanding everything in perfect clarity. There wasn't even the usual 'hesitation' in her head as she translated the language she heard back into English so she could figure out an answer and reply. She just knew.

Diana....what did you do this time?

The next discovery was as she was getting dressed to meet her sisters for brunch. Once a month they did this, even though Davi had gotten over a lot of her hostility, Dani was still a grade-A bitch about everything. It was easier for Dee to handle now than in the beginning, just like it was easier for her to go out on her own more. Yes, Cricket with her helped but the idea of leaving the apartment wasn't one that was fraught with dread and as much fear. It was when she was going to get Cricket's 'work clothes' that she noticed IT hanging up in the closet.

"Oh no. Oh HELL no! What the fuck is this shit!?"

There, in all its red, white, blue and gold glory, was the one piece of clothing Dee had never wanted to see in actual life. She held it up from the spot on top of her wardrobe where it had been neatly folded for her to find--the golden stylized eagle was heavy. How the hell did Di MOVE with that on her chest!? Her old track uniforms covered up more than this thing.

The material was indescribable, both sturdy and shiny, almost like old school 80s style spandex. And there were all those bright white stars on the bottom. SO. MANY. STARS. Dee snorted and shoved it in the very back of her closet, kicking the red-and-white gogo boots that went with it out of the way. She was just going to pretend like the offensive garment didn't exist from now until the end of time. If she didn't boogie, she was going to be late and God only knew that she didn't want to put Dani in more of a sour mood than she was no doubtedly was going to be in. She could burn that monstrosity when she got back, because if Princess Spanglepants thought for one second Dee was actually going to put that thing on, she was out of her Amazonian skull.